You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours


Every now and again, this slight conflict happens in my heart when I'm in the midst of worshipping God. The music is playing beautifully, the chorus stirs me, and I belt out words to God. But then, I seem to hesitate and think about what I'm saying. The thought occurs to me that I might not mean everything I'm saying. No, let me rephrase that. It's not that I don't mean it. I WANT to mean it. And yet, the ever-present struggle between who I want to be in Christ, and who I feel that I truly am seems to weigh me down. So, how do I move forward? When I was younger, worship was my favorite. It was so easy to just step right in and lose myself in God's presence, but as I've gotten older, I realize the gravity of the presence of God and it sometimes frightens me. When I was a young worship leader, the gifts God gave me were an easy well to draw on, because I hadn't yet discovered how to feel the weight of sin in my own life. I sinned. I just wasn't as conscious of it. And yet, being older and wiser, I think I've come to understand grace the more. The fact that God allows me to be in His presence, and even uses that time to direct my heart more fully in Hid direction, humbles me to the point of hesitation. I find myself to be a complicated, jumbled mess of emotions in His presence. I want to dive in, to exalt in Him, to give Him everything He's worthy of, and yet I want to run away, weighed down by my own feelings of inadequacy. I often feel the part of a younger Peter, wanting more of God, but blundering my way along, seemingly hitting every trap set for me along the way. And yet, just as often, I am reminded that Jesus called Peter the cornerstone of His church. Could it be that even in my inadequacy and doubt, God can use those hidden reserves set aside in my heart and soul to minister? I so very much hope so. All I seem to want lately is to find more ways to serve and to be active in His service. Not to my credit, though. To His. That He could use what seems to be a clumsy, broken vessel and make it pure day by day is a miracle that only Grace could explain.