God, if you can hear, can you help me and my friends?
We've been driving all night into dead ends.
We just wanna find our own way home again.
We knew you as kids but lost you in smokey bars.
We lost you in the boom of lowered cars -
in parties that grew into the yard
God, if you can hear, as the sun is creeping down,
Could you kindly point me right out of town?
Honestly I'm sick and tired of falling down.
We knew you'd be here in the fray of darkest nights,
and the sad and holy glow of tv light,
in the blood and the bruise of back-alley fights.
So we're totally deprived,
buried alive
I couldn't help myself to save my life
Totally deprived
Buried alive
I couldn't help myself to save my life
Totally deprived

"We just wanna find our own way home again." I have loved this band for years, but lately this phrase has been nagging at me. Lately, I'm finding that cry to be changing into "I just need Your help to find my way home again." The cycle of sin and forgiveness and grief over wrongs done is wearing me thin. Yes, we will always find opportunity to struggle, to stumble, to fall, but there are sin patterns in me that I should be able to break myself of. Yet, I keep returning to them. The closest way I know to describe it is that for every one step I take towards Christ, I find a way to make two more back the other direction. How do I turn the tide of that practice? Even if the equation went that for every step away I might take two towards Christ. Or maybe I am doing that, but the steps seem far more hard won than they used to. The things that used to be fun, aren't so much anymore. They may be fun at the very beginning, then are followed hard by regret. And yet, I'm engaged in them before I ever have the thought that maybe this isn't such a great idea.

I simply want to hear God more clearly in my life. To keep me from sinning against Him, and to draw me more fully to Him. These are frightening times, and I can't shake the feeling that God requires more of me today than He did a year ago. Yet, I feel as though I fail at every turn. I suppose that I will just have to keep trying. And that's the quest of the believer.