Late Night Thoughts

I always find it hard to sleep at night. I've never really known the reason why, but as I get older, and try to grow more in my walk with Jesus, I find it's one of the few times when my mind settles down enough to find any semblance of real, coherent thought.

One thing I am really wrestling with tonight is how to live out my walk with the Lord, reach out to people with the Gospel, and yet not straddle so close to the "line," as it were, that I let gravity carry me over to the other side. It's so easy, in the world we live in, to allow errant ways of thinking to subtly shift my view of God. Or, in perhaps better terms, how do we know the Word of God in a way that allows us to stand with conviction and not let the ever-shifting tides of modern philosophy to pollute the process, and yet still be competent in a world that demands we conform?
Lately, the concept of absolute truth has really been weighing on me. Most people my age either have no belief in, or concept of the term. Yet, as I study, and I pray, and I ask questions (both of God and of other people that I trust, not all believers), I am convinced that there is much more belief in absolute truth demanded by the Bible than I may have previously thought.

I don't really believe that the Bible is simply a collection of good stories with a moral point. I believe that what the Bible says is true. Whether the stories are fact is beside the point. I would argue that in person but for the sake of my writing, I won't attempt to open that can of worms. However, everything I read of the message of the Bible rings true with me. I am by no means becoming a puritan, but I think somehow modern Christianity lacks so much of what the New Testament and, for that matter, the Old Testament, demands of us.

In our struggle to understand love and compassion, we may have forgotten to read what is actually said. There are things we are asked to and not to do. It's true. If we love without any expectation of God, we accept the premise of Christ's love and sacrifice, but refuse to follow. We are like the rich young ruler. There was always an urgency to Jesus' call. We may have love, but is it potent? Does it ring true with what Christ did, but also of what He asked of us? If we profess to believe in the call and words and sacrifice of Jesus Christ, but live no differently, have we really gotten the point?

In different ways throughout the Bible, we have been called visitors, temporary residents, in the City of Man, but we are citizens of the City of God. I find it hard to believe, then, that we are supposed to act as though nothing about us is any different because of our belief. I am no saint in this way. I act, most times, as though nothing ever changed the day I accepted Jesus Christ as Lord of my life, and yet, in point of fact, everything changed. It seems I can't make one move without thinking through the step with agonizing detail, scrutinizing. But I don't mind that. It makes me feel somehow more alive. The fact that I can recall most of what has happened the last two years and so little of what happened the previous four or five, proves to me that this change is good. Now, how do I make that change apparent? Or is it even my job to MAKE it appear as anything?

I simply don't know.